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Showing posts from 2014

Self-Care: Throw a Rockin' Pity Party!

I have given my little speech on pity parties to three different people this past week, so it seems something is in the air. Let me share my view on pity parties with anyone who needs it: Namely: I'm all for them. Even during the holidays. Especially during the holidays. Look, sometimes life just stinks. It's unfair, and it's miserable, and dammit, why should you be going through this? You don't deserve it! No, you don't. To steal a line from The Best Man Holiday , nobody deserves misery, it's just your turn. Now, as with all parties, you need to have good food, drink, and entertainment. Oh, and dress. People always want to know what they should wear to your party. And a guest list. Guest List: You. Dress: Something incredibly comfortable. Jammies. Yoga pants. Sweats. Food: Something comforting. This is not a time for counting calories. Pay attention to the four food groups, sweet, salty, fried, and au gratin. 1 Drink: Whatever works for you. Spa

"The Lifesaving Virtue of Hopelessness"

Hopelessness as a virtue? Wait, wait, Universalism is "The Larger Hope," and we (wrongly attributed to John Murray) exhort people to "Give them, not Hell, but hope and courage," and we sing about bringing hope, when hope is hard to find. Hopelessness can be a virtue? Yes. In Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud writes: If you are looking for the formula that can get you motivated and fearless, here it is: you must finally see reality for what it is—in other words, that what is not working is not going to magically begin working. If something isn’t working , you must admit that what you are doing to get it to work is hopeless. This chapter is about the lifesaving virtue of hopelessness. The awareness of hopelessness is what finally brings people to the reality of the pruning moment. It is the moment when they wake up, realize that an ending must occur, and finally feel energized to do it. Nothing mobilizes us like a firm dose of reality. Whether it is finally getti

First Thing: Kill Your Mission

Implicit mission, that is.  Before you start your visioning, before you begin looking for your explicit mission, deal with the mission your church already has. Oh, it has one. It's implicit, and probably invisible. If it's articulated, it's through those statements that come out in conversation, when you're deciding whether or not to do something. Do we go to two services? Do we move? Do we expand our religious education program? Do we keep this particular element in the worship service?  There are often answers that will come out, that are key to the identity you have (which is not necessarily the identity you want) and key to why you actually have a church. Why do you have a church? What is the raison d'être of your church? Why does it exist? Unless your implicit mission is first acknowledged and addressed, it will continue to be the guiding mission of the church, no matter the beautiful mission statement that is explicitly created. Maybe the impli

Testimony to the Woman in Starbucks Who Asked About My Church

You noted my clerical collar and rainbow pin and had some questions. I told you I'm a Unitarian Universalist minister, and you wanted to know more. I screwed up, I think, with you. Because I began giving you information, little explanations that you could have just as easily found on Wikipedia. I got busy explaining "what" instead of "why."  I am a Unitarian Universalist because this religion gives me a history and a theology that I can have faith in, and part of that includes the fact that it has faith in me.  Unitarian Universalism says that I -- even on my bad days -- am worthy to be treated with respect and dignity. And it teaches me that I have both the capability and the responsibility to determine and define my own creed by which I will live. To do that, I need tools, I need encouragement, and I need relationship. And that's why I am a Unitarian Universalist in faith and in practice. That's why I go to a Unitarian Universalist church, and wo

Part 3: A Minute to Learn, a Lifetime to Master -- Humankind is Good

It's pretty much like that Board Game Othello , whose tag line is "a minute to learn, a lifetime to master." If I choose to have faith that humankind is good, and there is a force of good in the universe , then how does my life change? It is tempting to stay in the hypothesis-testing stage forever. That, after all, requires no real action on my part, just weighing and measuring the evidence. At this point in my life, however, I feel that I have sufficient evidence to justify my optimism, and so I put the measuring cups and scales away. That doesn't mean I might not change my mind at some later point, but I have a limited amount of time and energy, and I want to spend it now on living out the faith that I have chosen. To have faith that humankind is good means that I must look at others not with suspicion or cynicism, but instead, with an expectation of the goodness in them. Some often call it "assuming good intentions." It's hard. This is a c

Part 2: The Ontological Core

It is my belief that the core of Unitarian Universalism is about ontology. What is the nature of being, of existence? This is where I place my faith. Unitarianism tells me that humankind is, in the big sum and tally, good. That doesn't mean there aren't aberrations, it doesn't mean individually we don't mess up and make mistakes. But in the great aggregate mode, humankind is good. We reject the idea of Original Sin, that we were all born bad, and that we need a mediating influence of a supernatural being to make us acceptable. Universalism tells me that there is a force at work in the world, an "arc of the universe" to use Unitarian Theodore Parker's term, that is, in the big sum and tally, good. Bad things happen, evil and pain exist, but there is a force that persuades us to goodness, that draws us together so that we may act, and by our actions, put "good" into form. Some call this force "God"; Universalism asserts that it is n

Elements of Religion, But Not the Core - Part 1

"I think it would be very nice if we really tried to examine what it is we are up to and try to clarify what it is we are doing or what we’re trying to do." -- Rev. Gordon McKeeman I am not a Unitarian. I am not a Universalist. Born in 1969, I am a Unitarian Universalist. What is at the core of what we do? I have struggled with this. What is the theological center of our religion? It was the Rev. Mark Edmiston-Lange who helped focus my thoughts. "I don't think it's theological. I think it's ontological." I mused on that for several days, thinking him wrong, until I traced back why we are so different, and realized ... Eureka! Mark is right, again! We often get confused, thinking one of the elements of our religion is the core. It happened with Humanism. The core was that humans have both the capability and the responsibility to make the world better. One of the elements coming off that was "God is not necessary." It wasn't the co

In praise of Friendship

I know, I know. J.K. Rowling says that really, Harry and Hermione should have ended up together . And in Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe, it's generally acknowledged that Idgy and Ruth were lovers, not just best friends. " Just  best friends?" Hmph. The first story makes me a little grumpy, because there's this great scene in the penultimate movie where Harry and Hermione dance together that makes me think of one of my best friends. He is my brother, spiritually and relationally. He has been there for me in the depth of my sorrow, as well as my joy. He is uncle to my children, friend to my husband, brother to me, though we have different parents. Yes, that would be us, dancing platonically during a time of pain. Probably agreeing to the song, too. (It would indubitably be a song by Leonard Cohen. Or maybe Willie Nelson.) The second really hit my mom. She's not anti-gay, in fact, as she was telling me about her social plans one holiday season

While to That Rock I'm Clinging

Pete Seeger died. I hadn't cried all day, even though I had thought about this day before it happened; dreaded it coming, because it would mean that death really did come to all of us, even those of us as good, as filled with Spirit and meaning, as willing to live out our values day by day, as the one we called "Uncle Pete." I won't go into all his virtues. You can google that. I will say that the hagiography you see right now about Pete Seeger is far closer to the truth than most sentimental postmortems. A Facebook friend, Karen McCarthy, posted a video -- And I broke. I never met Pete, unlike some of my peers. But his were the first songs I heard. I still have the LP, Birds, Beasts, Bugs and Fishes.  Abiyoyo, Abiyoyo ... Perhaps he was my first minister. His were the songs played in my house, and my parents lifted him up as a hero. For fighting for justice. For the Hudson River. For adhering to his values during the McCarthy hearings, and then agai

To Love the Hell Out of the World

To love the hell out of the world means to love it extravagantly, wastefully, with an overpouring abandon and fervor that sometimes surprises even yourself. That love flows out of you, sometimes slow and steady, sometimes in a torrent, sometimes filled with joy, sometimes with fierceness, or anger, or a heartbreaking pain that makes you say, "No, no, I can't take this anymore. I can't do anymore. It's too much ... too much." But it's too late. You've opened up your own heart, your own mind, body, and strength, and yes, it is too much. But there's also so much love that comes crashing down on you, gifts from the Heavens in the form of the smiles and cares from others, a giggle burbling up from a toddler's fat little belly, the soft, sweet smell of star jasmine catching you unaware, not knowing where it came from ... but it's here. And you're here. And just to live, just to exist, swells your heart with enough gratitude and love that you mu