Boots and Blessings

Christmas never comes by itself It always brings along its companions of prior years Hanging this ornament on the tree, the one from years ago This one that was my mother’s,  That one the baby made in kindergarten, 30 years ago We carefully nestle the Nutcracker among some ribbons So you can’t see the place where it broke that one year We always make that special cake that Nanna used to bake But never turnips, because Papa was allergic, tho he’s been gone 6 years now At Christmas, he is still here, we laugh telling the story for the thousandth time When the candle wreath caught fire and he had to toss it outside in the snow He moves through our gathering with the other family members long gone Touching gently the angel figurine Great-grandmother brought over from the old country. Christmases past – so many, one every single year! – are layered one on top of the other, on top of the other. The years of joy, the years of sorrow, too. Layers upon layers upon layers. We say, enjoy this

UU’s are often familiar with James Luther Adams quote that: “Liberalism holds that the resources (divine and human) that are available for the achievement of meaningful change justify an attitude of ultimate optimism.” But they don’t always know that the next sentence is: “This view does not necessarily involve immediate optimism.” Last night, amazing, wonderful strides forward happened for our country.   We elected an openly gay governor, two Native American women, two Muslim women. So many firsts – youngest, first Black, first woman – in their area. And some of the removals were very important – the person who refused to issue marriage licenses for gay couples, the person who wrote the “bathroom bill.”   And now, on the national level, we have reason to believe that investigations and consequences can happen, as the House changed power. It was a very good night. And yet, we’re disappointed, we liberals. Of course we are. Because as savvy an

I was not made for this world. My mother was. She was right before the Boomers, the tail end of the Silent Generation. In some ways, she and I, her late-in-life baby, can relate more to each other than either of us can with my siblings, her Boomer first batch of kids. There are many similarities between the Silents and the Gen X-ers, bridges between larger and louder generational cohorts. But in other ways, we are different. We were made for different worlds. She was raised to be a wife and mother. If she wanted a career, she could be a teacher, nurse, or secretary. White middle class southern culture raised her to wear no white after Labor Day, to accept her place and be grateful for having a good man to provide for her, to adapt her interests to the hobbies of her man, to sit with her ankles crossed and her knees touching. I was raised for a different world than she was. In fact, I was raised for a different world than my 16-years-older-than-me Boomer sister, who grew up wat

If only certain people had been given a ukulele when they were young. Little Charlie Grassley, plucking out a tune. Young Lindsey Graham, strumming "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Who knows what might have been different? If they'd been given something fun and encouraged to be happy ... Is this an appropriate time to talk about happiness? With all the cruelty we're seeing, all the trauma that is being triggered?  Abso-ukulele-lutely. Happiness can't be something that we put on pause when things get bad. Happiness isn't what we get after we make the world better, it's one of the tools we'll use to make the world better. Our founding fathers enshrined it in the Declaration of Independence, saying that it was self-evident that we all had a right to pursue happiness. Well, actually, they said that men had that right, and what they meant was that white men had that self-evident right, but I'm NOT GOING TO GO THERE THIS WEEK. In setting it

My evangelical friends talk about being "convicted." That moment when you hear or read a message and like an arrow, it dives into your heart, and you know that you have been guilty, and you have some growing to do. At the very beginning of my learning about Bowen systems theory, the professor was laying out the basic idea: that we all feel anxiety, and when we do, we act (often in unhealthy ways) in order to lessen our anxiety. And in an unhealthy system with emotionally immature people -- a family, a business, a church -- one person's anxiety can trigger the anxiety of others. Here's a great primer on that. Really great. Like, watch it 20 times in a row. Or every morning as you drink your coffee. (I'm not kidding. I think your life would be better. Consider it a spiritual practice.) So back to my conviction moment. The professor went on to talk about how when we see someone who is "vibrating" with anxiety, our instinct is often to rush over,

Self-differentiation is a building block of being a whole person in Bowen Systems Theory, and in my opinion, the key to a lot of personal peace. Here, let me get a Professor of Self-differentiation to tell you about it. (You can stop at the :15 minute mark. Or, you know, keep going. Because Grey and Swazye. swoon .... ) That's self-differentiation, right there. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame." Let's break those 15 seconds down, because Professor Johnny Castle isn't just teaching dancing. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine." Self-differentiation means being clear about what is your dance space and what is the other person's. Where you end, and they begin. It's about having clear boundaries for yourself AND respecting the other person's boundaries. "You gotta hold the

TL;dr -- Our church does "Whole Church Worship," or "All Ages Are Together for the Whole Service, Every Service, Every Week." I've been getting a lot of questions about this. Here are some answers. Preface: For some reason, I occasionally run into people from other churches who want to explain to me all the reasons this won't work at their church. Sure. I'm not trying to talk you into this. You do you, Bub. Whole Church Worship is working at our church, at this time. Live Oak is pretty special, and I don't know that there are many things we do that would work any other place, including our Chili, Chocolate, and Karaoke Party. But that's a post for another day.  Okay, then. So, I first got involved in Whole Church Worship as a result of a fit of pique - my own. This was before I was a minister. At my home congregation, we had "Children's Chapel," and we had reached the point where we couldn't get anyone signed up to coordin

A few years ago, "tolerance" fell out of favor. It was during excitement about marriage equality and the feeling that we were on a progressive, inclusive arc. Who wants to be tolerated? we said. We want to be welcomed, cherished, honored. Sure, if the alternative to "tolerance" is "welcomed, affirmed," I'll take the latter, please. But what about when the alternative is intolerance? Or worse? It is a a bit odd that in the corners where I hear the most resistance to binary thinking, I also often hear the most resistance to allowing a common ground with those whom we have disagreement with. I am not talking about tolerating intolerance. True tolerance must be a shared ground. An agreement that we can be in the same space together, while holding different beliefs. And that ground, along with being shared, must be agreed upon. I am in an interfaith group. I know that we differ on many things, but we are in agreement that treating each other with l

"I Believe...." "I believe" are two words we need to hear more of in UU churches .... I believe. First, wouldn't it be great to be having more of the deep conversations about meaning, God, Spirit, purpose, etc? I mean, don't get me wrong, we also need the conversations about politics, the news, and how excited we are about the first woman Doctor Who and Patrick Stewart returning to Star Trek. But those rich conversations about religious ideas ... isn't church kind of the ideal place for those? So go deep. Start with "I believe ...." It may feel a little scary, but being willing to share your thoughts opens the door for others to share theirs. IF you begin with "I Believe." Sadly, I've seen so many conversations, in person and online, where UUs seem unable to use them. Opinions are stated as fact. Which is a terrific way to shut down a conversation -- unless the other person wholly agrees with you, it's not a grea

1n 1961, the Unitarians and Universalists consolidated, and a new religion was born. We're still sorting out that marriage, figuring out the structural issues, cultural issues, and then there's theology. Much of Unitarianism and Universalism was co-mingled long before consolidation, but I think that the area where there's still deep dissent is found in where you place yourself on the spectrum of Free Will vs. Mandatory Universal Salvation. It's a fun thing, because I have noticed that even the UUs who do not believe in a post-death heaven or hell can really get really het up about this. Even the atheists! It is a fun discussion, because either way, you're arguing for something good, you know? On one side, you've got the Free Will thinkers, who tend to align themselves more with the Unitarian side of our theological history. Because God is good, God would not make someone be saved (go to Heaven, be reunited with God, etc.) against their will. On the oth

I know someone whose " tell " that she's had a leeetle too much to drink is outrage. Not at the recipient, but on their behalf. Her friends all know it, and frankly, it just makes us giggle, because the outrage comes at things that deserve absolutely no outrage. "They served you GREEN BEANS with your steak???" she'll demand, heavy with the weight of the insult that has been placed upon you. And so that's our sign that we need start pushing water on her and stop offering to refill her glass of wine. Outrage, without alcohol, can become a habit in and of itself. And we're living in a time where tv, radio shows, and websites profit from our outrage. They know it gives us a hit to the dopamine receptors, and so they stoke it like technological drug pushers. And we turn around after taking our hit, trying to get others to join us. Come on, you know you want some. Everyone's doing it. All the cool kids are absolutely outraged that X is doing Y t

I watched Come Sunday with my family this weekend, the story of Bishop Carlton Pearson's epiphany of universal salvation, and the price he paid for being public about it. If you are a UU primarily interested in the story of Pearson's diminished community coming to All Souls Tulsa, that is another story, not covered by the movie. But the story, as it is, is very good, and focuses on the nature of God and grace. There was one aspect of the movie that has stayed with me, probably because I've been wrestling with what this means for humanity for ... oh, about 25 years. And it's not about God, it's about people. And whether there is a dividing line between people that so impacts how we view the world, that it cannot be overcome. In about the middle of the movie, Pearson confronts other Pentecostal leaders at what amounts to a heresy trial. He asks Bishop Ellis to name someone he loved, who is now in Hell. The other man says, "My daddy." He says that he lov